Bernard Morris

(verse 1)
The great Bonnie Langford and King Kong are in a fight
Who will win let’s find out in this Great Fight Of The Night
It’s a clash that defies all logic so let’s begin
It’s so exciting and either one of them could win
Full of confidence the enigmatic Bonnie takes
On King Kong and as they fight the planet Earth it shakes
Bonnie Bonnie the fans cheer as King Kong beats his chest
Of all the greatest monsters King Kong he is the best

(chorus)
King Kong versus the great Bonnie Langford who will win
Gather round all you people the fight is to begin
It is the heavyweight fight of the century and
People have gathered to watch from all over the land

(verse 2)
The unstoppable force of classic British showbiz
With a high pitched screaming is what Bonnie Langford is
King Kong starts beating his chest and he roars like the wind
Bonnie in her sparkling outfit then begins to sing
I’m not scared of you King Kong Bonnie Langford she sings
With her glass-shattering vocals louder than the rings
From a billion telephones making King Kong wince
Triceratops stabbed him he has not felt such pain since

(chorus)
King Kong versus the great Bonnie Langford who will win
Gather round all you people the fight is to begin
It is the heavyweight fight of the century and
People have gathered to watch from all over the land

(verse 3)
Standing so tall in her shiny sequinned tuxedo
Bonnie Langford sings and is more than ready to go
She gives a big showbiz smile and dazes the big ape
And from the blinding light from her smile he can’t escape
Bonnie executes a high kick clipping King Kong’s chin
King Kong stumbles and falls over Bonnie now can win
King Kong gets up and with a double fist hammer blow
Attempts to crush Bonnie but Bonnie she says oh no
You can’t crush me King Kong because I’m too quick for you
Then she pirouettes in a spin out of King Kong’s view

(chorus)
King Kong versus the great Bonnie Langford who will win
Gather round all you people the fight is to begin
It is the heavyweight fight of the century and
People have gathered to watch from all over the land

(instrumental bridge)

(verse 4)
In a high pitched note Bonnie she screams and screams again
In agony King Kong covers his ears and that’s when
Bonnie leaps into the air with a show of jazz hands
Then on King Kong’s big toe she theatrically lands
In great pain King Kong he then falls back and lands on his
Back and Bonnie climbs on him and stands in joyful bliss
From the sky over King Kong clouds of confetti rain
I’m the winner Bonnie she sings and then sings again

(chorus)
King Kong versus the great Bonnie Langford who will win
Gather round all you people the fight is to begin
It is the heavyweight fight of the century and
People have gathered to watch from all over the land

(verse 1)
Comedy was funnier when I was just a boy
Jokes told by comedians all of us could enjoy
Songs from a long time ago today you cannot sing
Lots of times I’ve been accused of saying the wrong thing
This ism and that ism is passed round like it’s going
Out of fashion and when I look around it is snowing
With flakes of boys and girls who take offence when I say
Him or her because they think that I should have said they

(chorus)
Changes in language should not be used to build a wall
Embrace the changes the young and the old we should all
Words are words and rhymes are rhymes and a name’s just a name
You say this and I say that but we are just the same

(verse 2)
Him or her or they or it my head is in a spin
Sometimes I want to throw them all into a waste bin
Stop it stop it I just want to say to all of them
In the world there are boys and girls and women and men
It’s ok to identify yourself as whatever
I don’t care if you want to be a brick or a feather
But please don’t get angry if I misidentify
I don’t wish to cause offence I don’t want you to cry

(chorus)
Changes in language should not be used to build a wall
Embrace the changes the young and the old we should all
Words are words and rhymes are rhymes and a name’s just a name
You say this and I say that but we are just the same

(verse 3)
Where each generation’s viewpoint comes from we must try
To understand and we will for I will tell you why
For if we don’t there is no way that we’ll all get on
And the respect for each other sadly will be gone
Language norms have shifted and the old can get confused
I will be the first to admit wrong words I have used
But people from my generation have no malice
I’m sorry if I’ve mistaken Alan for Alice

(chorus)
Changes in language should not be used to build a wall
Embrace the changes the young and the old we should all
Words are words and rhymes are rhymes and a name’s just a name
You say this and I say that but we are just the same

(instrumental bridge)

(verse 4)
I understand young adulthood is a crucial time
For defining your self concept and of course that’s fine
Emotional reactivity I understand
Sorry if I caused you pain for that I hadn’t planned
We should focus on shared human connection and we
Young and old all over the world would be so happy
The old they seem to be hostile but they’re just confused
For pronouns like they and them the old have never used
Language rules are changing too fast the old can’t keep up
Let’s all get together and talk over a nice cup
Of hot tea and we’ll find that the young and old are just
The same and all show respect for each other we must

(chorus)
Changes in language should not be used to build a wall
Embrace the changes the young and the old we should all
Words are words and rhymes are rhymes and a name’s just a name
You say this and I say that but we are just the same

(verse 1)
Walking down the street with teardrops falling from my eye
Silhouettes moving behind the curtains
Above the treetops I see the romantic moon rise
And the sadness inside me it worsens

(chorus)
Behind closed curtains about their life the people go
Than having a home there’s nothing greater
With tears in my eyes I see the silhouetted show
I am the invisible spectator

(verse 2)
Street lights they cast long distorted shadows on the ground
In the night my shadow is forlorn
No cars pass the low drone has gone and there is no sound
At times like this I wish I’d not been born

(chorus)
Behind closed curtains about their life the people go
Than having a home there’s nothing greater
With tears in my eyes I see the silhouetted show
I am the invisible spectator

(bridge)
Doors they open and the people they invite me in
Then I wake up and I realize I was dreaming

(verse 3)
From the window houses yellow light gives a warm glow
While outside in the dark I’m alone
How I feel those people in their homes will never know
Just what it’s like not to have a home

(chorus)
Behind closed curtains about their life the people go
Than having a home there’s nothing greater
With tears in my eyes I see the silhouetted show
I am the invisible spectator

(verse 1)
Seven octillion atoms make up you my love
They’ve arranged themselves into what I
See before me and they’ve made the most beautiful sight
Your atoms are like stars in the sky

(chorus)
We are the sky we are the stars the vastness of deep space
The beauty of the solar system I see on your face
A supernova died a billion years ago and
The result is what I see now all of this was planned

(verse 2)
All the atoms in your body were once inside stars
Billions of years ago my love
Each atom inside you is like a solar system
You my love have come down from above

(chorus)
We are the sky we are the stars the vastness of deep space
The beauty of the solar system I see on your face
A supernova died a billion years ago and
The result is what I see now all of this it was planned

(instrumental bridge)

(verse 3)
Atoms in the universe that’s what me and you are
The Big Bang it started long ago
Stardust in our bodies that’s what me and you have and
Like the brightest sun in space we glow

(chorus)
We are the sky we are the stars the vastness of deep space
The beauty of the solar system I see on your face
A supernova died a billion years ago and
The result is what I see now all of this it was planned

(verse 1)
There he goes again Marvin the Mudlark
Searching in the mud of the wet bank
Scavenging the foreshore until the dark
River sewage in a stenchy stank
Clinging rags stiffened with crusty dry mud
Filthy boy in need of a good clean
For his health the conditions are no good
That he has to do this is obscene

(chorus)
Marvin sweet boy Marvin we all feel for you we do
Please be careful and don’t let the tide
Wash your young and precious life away Marvin sweet boy
I feel for you Marvin deep inside

(verse 2)
In the thick sludge wading up to his waist
In the open sewer full of shit
With a look of despair on his sad face
To the horror there is no limit

(chorus)
Marvin sweet boy Marvin we all feel for you we do
Please be careful and don’t let the tide
Wash your young and precious life away Marvin sweet boy
I feel for you Marvin deep inside

(bridge)
Listen to the church bells ringing by the River Thames
Tolling for the boys who swept away
Silent casualties of poverty hunger and shame
For all those sweet boys let us all pray

(verse 3)
Working barefoot in the winter causes
Severe chilblains on his tender feet
The poor boy he works harder than horses
And he hasn’t had a thing to eat
In the winter the boy he gets frostbite
Blisters on his fingers and his toes
Working all day right through until midnight
Thick stinky silt clinging to his clothes

(chorus)
Marvin sweet boy Marvin we all feel for you we do
Please be careful and don’t let the tide
Wash your young and precious life away Marvin sweet boy
I feel for you Marvin deep inside

(verse 1)
Tell me have you ever fallen in love with a friend
I did and I hoped the warm feelings would never end
I suppose I should have realised right from the start
That he would cause palpitations in my yearning heart
I should have pushed him away the first time he got near
But instead I smiled at him and he bought me a beer
Thanks mate I said with a smile I’ll get the next one in
I had no idea from then the heartbreak would begin

(chorus)
It is common oh so common more than you may think
And it tends to happen after you have had a drink
Maybe it’s a queer right of passage or maybe not
All I know is for him a broken heart I have got

(verse 2)
We had only just met but it was like we both had
Known each other all our lives we’d both met I was glad
As we drank we were so relaxed we chatted away
In the pub with my new friend I just wanted to stay
By the end of the night it was like we were best friends
Shall we keep in touch I said he then said it depends
On what I said he said on whether I wanted to
Yes of course I said to him that’s what I want to do

(chorus)
It is common oh so common more than you may think
And it tends to happen after you have had a drink
Maybe it’s a queer right of passage or maybe not
All I know is for him a broken heart I have got

(verse 3)
We exchanged telephone numbers and I said I would
Give him a bell tomorrow he said now that sounds good
We said goodnight to each other and we both went home
I went to bed but then I picked up my telephone
I said hi mate I hope that I haven’t woken you
No you haven’t he said to my phone a kiss I blew
I couldn’t help it I just did it without thinking
My new friend he heard me and my heart started sinking
Have you just blown me a kiss he said I said no mate
Yes you did I heard you he said I did not feel great
It was my phone sometimes it makes funny sounds I said
I wanted to curl up and I wished that I was dead

(instrumental bridge)

(chorus)
It is common oh so common more than you may think
And it tends to happen after you have had a drink
Maybe it’s a queer right of passage or maybe not
All I know is for him a broken heart I have got

(verse 4)
We chatted away on the phone deep into the night
I’d never felt like this I was higher than a kite
We both talked to the early hours of the morning
That I was in love with him on me it was dawning
No this can’t be happening for we’d only just met
Oh my God my heart was beating faster than a jet
I’ll have to go for I need my sleep mate he then said
I’m seeing my bird tomorrow I sank in my bed
Could ever be more than just friends there was no chance we
Good night I said and hung up it was so sad for me

(chorus)
It is common oh so common more than you may think
And it tends to happen after you have had a drink
Maybe it’s a queer right of passage or maybe not
All I know is for him a broken heart I have got

(verse 1)
Staggering to the pub one day Billy was approached by
A big thug with tattoos on his arm
You’re drunk the big thug he said Billy said yes drunk am I
Big thug I beg please cause me no harm
Did you just call me a big thug the big thug said to
Billy and Billy he said I did
Well said the big thug in that case I’ll have to punch you
To that Billy he said I forbid

(chorus)
With his clinking bottles Billy Bottlebank tends to
Get into lots of daft situations
With the empty bottles Billy knows just what to do
When he’s met by scary confrontations

(verse 2)
You just called me a big thug the big thug said and he said
I can’t let you get away with that
Ok well I will have to defend myself Billy said
So began the unlikely combat
Out of his stuffed trench coat pocket Billy pulled out an
Empty bottle of beer and with it
Held ever so firmly in his clenched hand he began
With great force the big thug’s head to hit

(chorus)
With his clinking bottles Billy Bottlebank tends to
Get into lots of daft situations
With the empty bottles Billy knows just what to do
When he’s met by scary confrontations

(instrumental bridge)

(verse 3)
Cartoon lumps popped up on the big thug’s head one by one
Like a baby he cried and cried more
With tears in his eyes he ran off and then he was gone
Pain like that he had not felt before
Billy put the bottle back into his pocket and
To the pub for a pint of beer went
Sticking up to a big thug today he had not planned
But was glad away the thug he’d sent

(chorus)
With his clinking bottles Billy Bottlebank tends to
Get into lots of daft situations
With the empty bottles Billy knows just what to do
When he’s met by scary confrontations

(verse 1)
The Thin White Karaoke Singer loves to sing his songs
Singing David Bowie songs on the stage he belongs
Life On Mars and Rubber Band he sings
Heroes Fame and Oh You Pretty Things

(chorus)
The Thin White Karaoke Singer sings a Bowie song
Everyone in the pub with him they all sing along
Sing your song you Thin White Karaoke Singer sing
Sing a song for me now sing a song

(verse 2)
The Thin White Karaoke Singer loves to sing his songs
Singing David Bowie songs on the stage he belongs
Modern Love and China Girl he sings
Heroes Fame and Oh You Pretty Things

(chorus)
The Thin White Karaoke Singer sings a Bowie song
Everyone in the pub with him they all sing along
Sing your song you Thin White Karaoke Singer sing
Sing a song for me now sing a song

(bridge)
He holds his amplified mic and he hears his voice fill
The room as the people they all listen
He will carry on singing his Bowie songs until
He spreads the love for that is his mission

(verse 3)
The Thin White Karaoke Singer loves to sing his songs
Singing David Bowie songs on the stage he belongs
Golden Years and Breaking Glass he sings
Heroes Fame and Oh You Pretty Things

(chorus)
The Thin White Karaoke Singer sings a Bowie song
Everyone in the pub with him they all sing along
Sing your song you Thin White Karaoke Singer sing
Sing a song for me now sing a song