Written by Toni Cunningham 11/10/2025
THIS IS ME, JUST ME!
Not the watered down, quiet version
people wish I would shrink into.
This is the woman they call
“too much,”
“too loud,”
“an embarrassment”
But I am the same woman
who held babies at 3 a.m.,
who worked two or three jobs, so that there was always food to eat and Kobe’s or Jordans on your feet.
who left home at thirteen
and never looked back
No one believed my abuse as fact. --
This is my testimony.----THIS IS ME,
--- THIS IS MY STORY
I was the little girl nobody believed in
had hands where they should’ve never been,
So many men touched my childish skin. Being told you don’t want'em to touch, stop wearing those shorts then.
As a child I was beat often, tied to the bed both feet and hands, I wanted out, I needed to escape, I need a plan, leaving home was putting me in danger, but I made up my mind....... no more hitting me out of anger..
I left at thirteen, just a kid on the run,
searchin’ for warmth, still needin’ someone.
Lost, just going thru the motion, where I was headed i could not see
still a child looking for someone.....to really love me.
October twenty-first, 1982 at one oh five pm, let me tell you, I can not lie, I grew up in that moment when I held him with pride.
All the things that I was doing? I didn’t do ’em no more.
All the men that I saw? I showed them the door.
He was all mine, he was my purpose, FOUND my peace,
and he loved me, cant take HIM, uh uh not this one
This IS MY SON!.---THIS IS ME, JUST ME!
I PROMISE......Hit my kids never, love and committed forever.----THIS IS ME, JUST ME!-
See I believe kids are people too
me and my babies, secrets, we had none,
I know shit that they have done,
as a child i did THEM too, if you say you didnt, you not telling the truth. You gotta know as kids we fuckup, from mine I needed no proof, all I ask was tell me the truth…THIS IS ME, JUST ME!-
I spoiled mine and many more,
and yeah, I know sometimes
mine resented that open door,
extra plates on the table,
the way my heart made room
for every stray with all their gloom. THIS IS ME, JUST ME!---
Now Im being told “We never saw you MUCH, work, work is all you did, and all I can SAY ....…I was letting a kid be a kid. I felt I was everywhere for them, in the bills i paid, and in the outfits I laid.----THIS IS ME, JUST ME!
had a few bonus sons, gave them everything I gave my own, showed them love, tried to be their mom, and they showed me parenting is such a thankless job!
I gave up 19 years of my life for one of those boys, thought that was what I was supposed to do, --- at 35 I took custody of those 3 year old twins, Hell their Momma in the streets, daddy in Jail, they were my grandbabies, Right? I mean if not me than who? I took them and I really didn’t have a clue. THIS IS ME, JUST ME!--
All that I have done for so many, what cuts the deepest is the people I love the most you see, They don't know or even like me.--
Now listen to this ….
A little girl arrived in 1985 a new blessing to me, my twin, My daughter, a Mini Me for sure........ Her father?--- Oh We were really good friends but he was not the right 10.---- Her arrival was life-changing, but the things she says are so heartbreaking, ---
I spoke loudly, yes I was pissed, I really needed to vent, She looked at me and said “you are an embarrassment.”.......
As I raised her, I told her “be yourself unapologetically"
but never did I believe, her being her would ever be used against me!
To this day, those words echo so loudly
"AN EMBARRASSMENT?"
I always helped her, sheltered her and protected her, I mean I have always had her back, was front and center for every contraction, and if the babies needed anything I took action.
"An embarrasment"------WOW.....
THIS IS ME, JUST ME!
Who Am I?
I am a proud educated woman, a confident and independent to the bone woman, yes a feminist, a great helper, im a great friend, and a big giver, all of the above is me—with very small expectations, ....THIS IS ME, JUST ME
Never learned how to need anyone, if you need that im not the one, I can want you, and love you, but that’s all I can do, I cant beg or obey you and believe me, I can show you better than I can tell you.---THIS IS ME
I am proud, flawed, scarred,
soft in places nobody sees,
hard in places I had to be.
baby you get what you see, its your choice
Love me or Leave me
I am who I have to be, nothing can change me, ......this is just me
I am just me, just me
