Raven Lovette

I feel as tho I speak in tongues. The vibration of my vocals are there, but the intent and connection is out-rung

I see the monsters of humans that struggle to cope, going through traumas with nothing to hope

I hear the Whispers of self doubt that taught me I'm nothing without putting myself on the line in a drought

I smell the gas leak in my brain that makes it hard to think, can't run from it but it reeks

I taste the mold on a peice of bread that I lacked the energy to throw away. Down my tummy it goes cuz I accidentally fed


I'm only human, but there's too many thoughts

I'm only human, but there's too many textures

I'm ony human, but there's too many lights

I'm only human, but the silence is too deafening

I'm only human, but the aromas are too overpowering

I'm only human, but the taste is suffering self-deprication.

I feel. I see. I hear. I smell. I taste.

I'm only a human with monsters in my brain.

I feel unalive, yearning to reach out, but afraid of being alone.

I see shadows of my mind that suppress my ability to cope in kind.

I hear the Whispers from my brain that everyone hates me and should jump in front of a train.

I smell the burning of my flesh like I don't belong in my own body and it's made of mesh.

I taste the poison I was fed as a kid that I wasn't worth raising and got hid.

If I were my parent, I would've taught me better.

I would have given the gift of self sufficience and self worth above all.

I would have taught me that compassion is is only great if you have it for yourself too.

I feel. I see. I hear. I smell. I taste.

But I'm only human.

I feel like I've become a ghost Shroud. Stuck in a murky black pit of despair. There's no way home, and that's all I want.

I see the hole getting bigger as the stress rises like the weight on my chest that I might be a terrible person.

I hear the words "you're amazing" "you're reliable" "we couldn't do it without you" but I process them as formality and obligation. Words with no real meaning.

I smell the stale cycle of myself as I relive the traumas that seem to have built me as I run from idea that I'm no better than "him"

I taste my coppery sob and hopelessly hope that I'll do better next year only to suffocate on the vile from my past.

So many thoughts in- my head

Not a coherent though- I dread

The voices grow- loud

Feels like a ghost- cloud

I go to sleep to stay- in bed

But there’s no- bridgehead

Here comes the sun- shroud

(Gradual increase in tempo. More rap like)

I feel miss-led, I see all-red, but I won’t be caught-dead, cuz I’m a fxxx’in bull-head

A bull-head? Fxxx that, I’m a fxxxing bulldozer- I’ll make those thoughts keel-over

You hear that? I’m ‘bout to defy, give these thoughts a black-eye, while wearing a bow-tie, like I’m a “bad guy”

Wait- that would make me a vigilante, almost like I was wrote by Stan-lee, Uh-oh they called a taxi, they’re in the back seat, that ended sad-lee

Maybe I should master in magic, cuz that was tragic, not to mention traumatic, not to be dramatic, but that’s a classic-

(slow. Still rap like)

Yeah, so many thoughts, filled with dread, I won’t stay in bed, I’ll build my own bridgehead-

I was happy and then I got anxiety -

I don't know why and now I cannot fly -

My stomach is queezing and I don't feel alive -

My breathing goes fast and thoughts are taking a deep dive -

So many thoughts, just piling high with the weight on my shoulders it's no wonder why -

I thought I was doing good I thought I was doing fine -

So why am I feeling this now, so sudden and out of my control -

It's like a Rollercoaster, but everytime I go upside down, the vile rises but won't come out -

It's like everything has turned a panic and anxious gray -

The shadows cave from the corners of my eye -

I wish I were a ghost, but even in afterlife, could I even cope -

And it feels like I've gone back in time -

The heaviness in my chest and tears streaming down my face, the urges I haven't felt since I was 12 -

The desperate attempt to distract -
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I wish I were you...

so good at life's game and keeping afloat...

why can't I cope?...

tell me, is the grass as green as it looks...
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if only I wasn't drowning in the depth of my debt -

or the feeling of not being as good as everyone tells me I am -

I wish I felt like I had the power to exist without suffocating and -

I see my skeletons of self deprication -

I smell the rot of someone who has never felt real -

I taste the coppery sobs as i try to breath -

I hear the echoes of my thoughts that I'll never be good enough for myself;