Cierra Spencer

Tainted from my past
I feel screwed up, like I’m made of glass
Ready to shatter at any moment
No matter the time, place or opponent
Feeling so small
Like I’ve lost control of it all
Truth is my hands were never on the wheel
How do you expect me to feel?

Lost touch in the moment
Time stood still, frozen
My feet are on the ground
Why do I feel like I’m treading clouds
All I want is the quiet
But all this noise is so loud
Flying off the handle
Bring me down, bring me down

Lost my power
Lost my will
Now I’m sitting here crying on the windowsill
Took my breath when you left that note
Put it on my door right where I’d notice
With the words you wrote I’m convinced that you’re soulless
Took awhile to get it right
And I’m still not completely fine
But I’ve learned that what you told me wasn’t always right
Words weave webs and sometimes they’re venomous

Lost touch in the moment
Time stood still, frozen
My feet are on the ground
Why do I feel like I’m treading clouds
All I want is the quiet
But all this noise is so loud
Flying off the handle
Bring me down, bring me down

I may crack
But this time I won’t break
I’ll keep it together
Time made me better
It heals, it mends
I’m shatterproof now
And nothing lasts forever

Lost touch in the moment
Time stood still, frozen
My feet are on the ground
Why do I feel like I’m treading clouds
All I want is the quiet
But all this noise is so loud
Flying off the handle
Bring me down, bring me down

Flames flickering
Crude bickering
Love trickling down the drain
Paths diverge naturally
So I’ll take mine respectively
And I know we’ll emerge just fine
That’s what I tell myself
Tip toes on the ledge
Hold myself back with a quick breath
All good things gotta end, I guess

I’ll be okay
I’ll be just fine
Even without the light in my eyes
I’ll be okay
I’ll be just fine
I’ll pretend like you were never mine
You were never mine

Hearts thudding
Trust budding
Caught you cutting my walls all down
I wish you would have warned me
That your love felt like fire
I would have prepared better
Wouldn’t have taken you higher
Heat rises and my lungs were held hostage
But I grew accustomed to the heat
And now I kinda like it

I’ll be okay
I’ll be just fine
Even without the light in my eyes
I’ll be okay
I’ll be just fine
I’ll pretend like you were never mine
You were never mine

Used to wait to see your headlights shining on my wall
Never felt anything like it
But such a rush needs a fall
Our love was tainted, that much was fated
Now I’m trying to make sense of it all
Pieces of a puzzle but they’re all too small
Waited way too long but I think I’m finished with this song

I’ll be okay
I’ll be just fine
Even without the light in my eyes
I’ll be okay
I’ll be just fine
I’ll pretend like you were never mine
You were never mine

I’ll be okay
I’ll be just fine
Even without the light in my eyes
I’ll be okay
I’ll be just fine
I’ll pretend like you were never mine
You were never mine

I find myself gazing at the sea
To my dismay, it's only imaginary
In reality, my feet hit the concrete
With each step it feels harder to breathe
My mind is buzzing like a static TV
I can't turn it off, my remote is without batteries

Shades of gray replaced my sunlight
It's okay, I'll just sleep it off tonight
Pour myself a glass of whatever I can find
To drink or to smash it all, out of sight out of mind
Or am I just losing mine?

This heartache is turning into a headache
A cruel joke the universe is playing on me
The punchline is my sanity
I don't feel numb, I feel it all too much
Floating to drowning in two seconds flat
All I want is my stability back

Shades of gray replaced my sunlight
It's okay, I'll just sleep it off tonight
Pour myself a glass of whatever I can find
To drink or to smash it all, out of sight out of mind
Or am I just losing mine?

Lower than rock bottom
I'm at the ninth circle
I fell way too deep
The only way out is down
So, I dive through the sea

Now I watch the waves roll
These days it's not just a daydream scene
I stopped drinking poison labelled negativity
My feet touch the sand
I know this is all I'll ever need

Deep forest green
Eyes of baby blue
The wind is billowing
It's near the end of June
Ivory white sheets blowing in the air
Rubbing my eyes, I usually wouldn't stop and stare
Caught a glimpse of an angel floating over there
Slipping into the trees with daisies trailing
Woven red crown reflecting roses on the ground
Behind her a crowd singing a heaven a made sound
But with the hot summer air
Was it even really there?

After the ride home I keep all the lights on
Look for anything just to run the time on
The walls are caving and crumbling within
I'm like a fish thrown into water who never learned how to swim
Defying expectations and disappointing my friends
Lord, tell me I'm almost at the end

For once I'm out before the clock strikes midnight
Seeing beauty I've never had before in my sight
Silhouette shaped shadows hanging in the sunlight
I've been looking for a sign, I can't shake it out my mind
Just like these stories in my head
I wonder how many are even real
But I can't ignore how that angel made me feel
So I went to the woods just to see them again
All I could find was an old dirty mirror
Engraved were the words "Love, don't fear"

After the ride home I keep all the lights on
Look for anything just to run the time on
The walls are caving in and crumbling within
I'm like a fish thrown into water who never learned how to swim
Defying expectations and disappointing my friends
Lord, tell me I'm almost at the end

An angel came to me, this time in a dream
I asked where the light is
And she pointed at me
Disappearing with a cool, cosmic breeze
Once I awoke I felt what it's like to be free
The feeling of finally being able to breathe
Turns out I'm the missing piece, I'm the clarity I seek
It's only a matter of being able to see

After the ride home I used to keep the lights on
Looked for anything just to run the time on
My walls are built where the foundation is strong
The fish who learned to swim and make the water their friend
Exceeding expectations and feeling whole again
Now I find myself begging to not let this end

After the ride home I used to keep the lights on
Looked for anything just to run the time on
My walls are built where the foundation is strong
The fish who learned to swim and make the water their friend
Exceeding expectations and feeling whole again
Now I find myself begging to not let this end

What are you more afraid of
The reflection staring back at you
Or what rests behind the eyes?
You can't escape either, God knows I've tried
For you are tethered to your own lies

Break a bone
Break my spine
Broken soul
Broken mind
Can't even bring myself to cry
But I try, I still try

Hollowed out heart
A sense of deceit where truth should have been
I can feel it scratching, digging in
Tearing, clawing and still I stuff it back in
Swallowed my hurt
That's why it resides within

Break a bone
Break my spine
Broken soul
Broken mind
Can't even bring myself to cry
But I try, I still try

Enough with the lies
I'm fed up planning my own demise
The violence in me draws its last breath
As I admit to myself that I'm behind enemy lines
Life and death go hand and hand
Like the moon, it's a cycle
I can put myself back together again
I am my own disciple

Break a bone
Break my spine
Broken soul
Broken mind
Can't even bring myself to cry
But I try, I still try