" There Ain't No Cellphones in Heaven" Original Lyric by Jon Kasky
By Hip Cane Dad
Now there's a reason God gave us an Afterlife:
To reward us for all our pain and our strife!
He made Heaven as a place of Peace,
When we're finished with our lifetime's lease.
Heaven's got no crime or killin' or rape,
Cuz' he made it our earthly escape;
Where after all those laps of racin' for Money,
Our trophy is sippin' on Milk and Honey.
Refrain:
M'purty sure in Heaven there's no Cellphones!
And "Hello!" don't sound like no Ringtone.
A Smiley-Face is what you wear in the end,
And to say "I Love You", ya' don't gotta push no Send!
Now in Heaven, the Chargers are Muscle Cars,
And reception don't depend on no Bars.
Ya' don't lose your memory if you fall in water,
And you don't need Text to find your Daughter.
The only Keys you need fit the Pearly Gate;
Unlimited minutes ain't your Monthly Rate.
No need to Photoshop the way you look,
The only Text you need is in the Good Book.
Refrain
Down here communication is wrecked,
By something called Auto-Correct.
Up above we connect with Grace,
And only one Book has your Face!
You no longer need that little Screen,
Social Media ain't the way to be seen.
There's no Eternity waitin' on Hold,
Cuz' Heaven's all Airplane Mode.
Refrain
After a lifetime connected,
Your Karma's gotta be corrected.
So if you wanna earn those Angel Wings,
Leave behind Earthly things.
When you're wrapped in that final Shroud,
You're uploaded to a better Cloud.
So getting right with the Lord,
Means cutting that Charger cord!
Refrain
(Quietly) So on Judgement Day you get to keep your Soul;
Clutching worldly things ain't your goal.
So if Heaven is your lifetime Save,
Leave that Cellphone in your Grave!
Refrain
