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Boast


Artist: S.K.Z.M.
Artist's Description
White idiot rapper who really shouldn't rap, self depricating. Comedic Beck/ Bare Naked Ladies influence

Genre(s): Hip-hop/Rap, Experimental, Freestyle Rap
Mood(s): Confident, Fun, Leisurely, Playful, Silly
Style(s): Comedy, Party, Slapstick
Language(s): English
Standard License:$50.00
Extended License:$200.00

Boast

By S.K.Z.M.
I mingle with the stars
And moon the gutter
This is my junk mail through your sewer, people
To look at me yo!
Got ma Bling
Got no Woes
Got Big Fitty Titty Hoes
Dancing up on me in ma Videos
Like I would get her that’s believable…
Now hold it!

Now fill that blank with bullshit
Like pulling out handkerchiefs
I’ll show you how to perform the trick
I got the Minus touch
Turn people’s gold into shit
And you would laugh telling me I’m sick
I even got a Cadillac convertible
Turns normal people into dicks
See me once and it’s like looking at the God of Danger
Rename yourself Uncle Sam
Because I’ll make you a stranger
In the Jehovah’s Witness Protection Program
Though I’m told beware of the circumcision ceremony
And at the buffet
Don’t eat the pigs in blankets
“Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the stupidest of them all?!”
I’m so bad I’m not good but wrong enough to be famous
To make a living that looks right and better than the nameless
I was far too white to be seriously taken
So I use my shadow as my reflection
Truth be told I’m actually albino
I always play black at the casino
My mom looks like Quentin Tarantino
Confession, I looked at her once
And I got Post Natal Depression
She said my Dad came the way he went
In a plastic bag and both times useless
May have seen him once on America’s Most Wanted
Face was improved pixilated
Got tattoos of a vest and shorts on my body
When I was 5 years old, mini gangster
Now they’re a bib and nappy
Looks like I was born yesterday in my birthday suit
Always got something on me my lyrics testify son
Super skilled I got a gift basket from Enemy No.1
A cake warm and soft
Baked by his mate, Urinal
I said I said I got a repeat prescription for OCD
Keep going on about the same thing
When it’s not necessary
Horror scopes victims in my house
But asks no apology
Turns out I’m a Capricorn with Gemini Rising
It means I’m more full of shit than Astrology
So stop me if you’ve heard this one before
“Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the stupidest of them all?!”
On stage fans love to throw me Molotov’s to down in one
Holding up signs of encouragement
“Don’t quit your day job!” “And you don’t stop!”
Line up like criminals outside the club
The usual suspects for STD’s
I’m gonna ‘ear them clap shouting “Sir fill us in please!”
Rose-tinted glasses I miss the honey
Pull a hamstring for the whole hog filling
Hey, come on everyone needs loving
I like them all, big to small, beard included
Ain’t that the shame, the look don’t matter, doing the sex
Though I hate the S&M slap when I shout “Next!’
Whenever I take my piece out it’s like playing Jenga
It’s a risk hoping it stays up and
Hard to play for more than a minute
Afterwards I work out a monologue for artistic license
But I’m post mortem after my minutes’ silence
If I appear on television I’ll be in the papers too
“Misogynist goes down on Loose Women”
On the way to hell, I’ll enjoy the trip and tour
My penis is so big it’s got a knee in it
Yours
On the celebrity branch I’d be the ugly stick
Don’t need plastic need tree surgery
Plus I like my Woman like I like my gravy
Thick
People on the street come up to me and say “How do you do it?”
“Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the stupidest of them all?!”
Some say my mind is like a (re)Tardis, a big empty space inside
That needs a doctor and assistant to get around all the time
I didn’t take my college exams, said I was special needs
They told me I couldn’t even pass Puberty
I can’t find the class, when is it?
Maybe I should skip the lesson
Inspiration! Nursery rhymes with a dope beat
I’m a sell out that idea’s sweet
Steal from the dead poet’s society
To take all the royalties
Winner Winner! Chicken Dinner
Dick Dastardly with a Muttley snigger
You call me a “Plagiarist”
Don’t know what that is but I’ll take your word for it
Love being on the tour bus with no support
Living it up old school I’m even the driver
You wish you was this hardcore
The people say I’m a tool what’s the fuss
Obviously, I’m a Philips screwdriver
Only good to move and fit the Cross
If I flop I got big plans listen close
Death and Taxes I’m gonna dodge ‘em both
Fake my own demise and live on the coast
Sales go up when you’re a “corpse”
Abuse your compassion with a charitable donation
Collect fame under my pseudonym
Though got to get rid of my lisp
Arthur Holles is my real name
“Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the stupidest of them all?!”
Sitting in my castle watching the females adore
Totally committed to my cause
Holding oversized lighters and some kind of fork
Saying “You’re the Devil!” “Chauvinist Pig!”
High praise and is that what they’re cooking?
Whatever it is they’re frothing at the mouth
Typical, banging my door, wet with anticipation
I’m looking forward to them giving it to me
Before I release the flood gates, I take time to reminisce
This is Capitalism at it’s greatest
I can afford everything but taste
See, living the American Dream
Is like being in the World Series
Pst implies everyone is in it
But it’s really just for me
There’re suckers on every level
Every parent has a price their kid’s the ticket
To drag them to my concert “Same Shit, Different Beat”
I wear sunglasses and a hood at night
Took my parents advice “Stay out of sight.”
“Get street smart and keep your head down”
Now I look up to no one as I walk all over ‘em
Though I wish I never took the following literally
Shit eating grin, running gag and beef jerky
Got so clever I’m dubbed an idiot servant
Think I’m out of line I’ll give you a hook
Break the 4th wall if I knew where to look
People used to rap to say a true something
Nowadays you can just boast I got something
Guess I’ll open up my doors to the horde
Let them have a piece of me and score
“Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the stupidest of them all?!”

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