By Jim Coote
Hey world look at me, I’m just so wide awoke.
You won’t believe I used to be an ordinary bloke.
I’m just gold, and everybody seems to think I’m hip.
Here’s why I’m hot and how I got a halo that won’t slip.
I’ll follow any cause, I’ll jump on any wagon,
I’m a keyboard warrior! I’m a Soapbox dragon!
I only look into the past to find an easy target.
Rub out the context of their deeds, and their head’s in a basket.
I never learnt much History, a waste of time I find,
I’ll re-adjust it anyway to suit what’s in my mind.
Working hard or checking facts I always give a miss.
At least I prove to wiser folk that ignorance is bliss.
Would you like to waste some time and join my fellow thinkers?
Just put your fingers in your ears and wear a pair of blinkers.
No era that existed before I ever blustered,
Ever had a thing to say, or ever cut the mustard.
Plato he could think a bit, but couldn’t even type.
Da Vinci wasn’t bad, but he never mastered hype!
Newton may have worked out sums for gravity and motion,
That’s just a load of scribble, so why all the commotion?
They say that Oscar Wilde may have had some wit,
But he never wrote a pop song that became a hit.
Not even sure that Churchill really had a clue.
I heard he had no Instagram and only one tattoo!
You couldn’t fill a raindrop with what I have to show,
And you could fill an ocean with what I’ll never know.
But though I have no wisdom, no critic could detect,
You can bet I’ll always be politically correct.
Now let me look at what is hot, this week in the news.
You won’t have very long to wait before I type my views.
On one thing I am careful, before I make my choice,
make sure the wagon’s rolling before I add my voice.
No need to wait for any grain of truth to emerge,
by then my admiration’s already had its surge.
And anyway my moral guns will be on something new,
maybe something juicer that really might be true!
I love it when those of merit make the smallest blunder,
I’ll be the first to make it worse and give them all my thunder.
I can pick on anything to make it look like crime.
I can make a saint look like a ball of slime.
I’ll make it look like what they do causes so much pain,
But manage not to think like that while snorting my cocaine.
Sincerity is nothing, novelty is all,
I check real hard every trend, make sure I’m on the ball.
Am I on the Left, or am I on the Right?
Depends which way the wind blows, and where the future’s bright.
On Facebook and on Twitter you’ll see me join the cause.
Get lost up my own arse, hear only the applause.
I look at Harvey Weinstein, I spit upon his name.
Just hope it’s not discovered, I’ve acted just the same.
I love to cause more protests, just look what I inspire.
I know for sure it’s not my car that’ll be on fire!
I love to shout at problems, I love to moan and whine,
but if there’s an actual answer, you can bet it won’t be mine.
Help to make it manifest? You must think I’m berserk.
I never pull my finger out, that’s not woke, that’s work!