Ryan Edward Kotler

Verse 1:

Well, my destination is a-changin’ by day
And frustration is all that’s a-lightin’ my way
Cold fingers of apathy gripping my throat
Aimlessly wanderin’, I helplessly hope

Verse 2:

Now, I beg of you, tell me, what is there to do
When numbness replaces the blues?
I’m out here a thousand miles from my home
Adrift on a sea of emotions unknown

Chorus 1:

Like a coin, I am thrown
Far away from my home
Sailing nowhere, alone
With a vest made of stone
No direction to go
As my engine, she moans
A foreboding tone
And I don’t have a clue
So, what takes the place of the booze?

Verse 3:

In the bloodthirsty current of a ne’er docile mind
Well, the moon ain’t affecting the tides
Every new day is another rogue wave to contain
As the emptiness pounds in my brain

Chorus 2:

Like a runaway train
Barreling through in the rain
As the brakes scream in vain
Well, it drives me insane
But I don’t feel no pain
Don’t hold any shame
But I shoulder the blame
And I have not a clue
What takes the place of the booze?

Verse 4:

Like a bullet, recovery tears through my bones
Is it worth the pain just to grow old?
Why am I painting a house that’s burnt down?
And waiting for no one in my old hometown

Chorus 3/Outro:

With my ear to the ground
But it don’t make a sound
Like a muzzled, old hound
On the floor of the pound
Well, you know I’m not proud
Saying all this aloud
But if secrecy shrouds
Faint embers of hope
Then it’s worse than the dope
But, I don’t have a clue
What fills the empty space left by the booze?

V1

Out on the road for over twenty-seven days
My motor’s draggin' down this lost highway
No time for this confusion or to waste another minute on your words
Well, you find it all amusing, but it is deeply depressing and disturbed

V2

Well, my prima donna baby, she don’t talk too much
Her daddy’s in the money and her momma’s out of touch
I was insane to think I’d ever break that family's curse
Well, I prob’ly could have faked it with a couple extra dollars in my purse

V3

It ain’t like my old woman, y’know, to try her best
Well, she got no aspirations to be unlike the rest
And there ain’t nothin’ so sad as wasted patience on a stone
I could leave this place tomorrow if I did not feel so all alone

V4

Well, I ain’t a perfect person, and I never said I was
I am constantly learning how to keep my head above
But at least I know there’s things that I will not ever know
Well, it must be easy livin’ when you always know which way to go

V5

Well, now, early in the mornin’, throws the blanket off her head
Drinks a cup of coffee and she crawls back into bed
She don’t need lovin’ and she ain’t got no love to give
You know, I try to talk to her, but each time I am sorry that I did

V6

Well, I got one more thing to say to you, my baby blue
The games you play, someday will come around to play with you
And on that fateful day, I hope you are not too surprised
You know, nothin’ gets nothin’, and your lies just get you lies

V7

Now, my brakes are screamin’, and my engine burst
My lips are bleedin’, and I can’t quench my thirst
My voice is strainin’, and my coat’s stuck in the door
Y'know, I hate complainin’, but I hate staying quiet even more

Just as the wind carries echoes of sound
With the wintery chill blowing snowflakes around
The frozen leaves blanket his home in the ground
And there’s nobody coming to save him
Well, he stopped all his cryin’, cause no one’s in town
And he’s alone in the state that he’s livin’

In the silence of winter, he finds solace in frost
As life keeps passin’ by, and his options exhaust
He’s protecting his pride, never matter the cost
He ain’t sorry if no one forgives him
Like an unwanted penny no one’s sorry they lost
He’s all alone in the state that he’s livin’

With a heart hard as stone, and a soul full of sin
His chapter is over before it begins
And each day, he replaces more tonic with gin
‘Til to madness and hate, he is driven
Well, life is a battle in which nobody wins
When you’re alone in the state that you’re livin’

Every step that he takes, knees buckle ‘neath the weight
Now, he’s helplessly crawling through each next mistake
And he is mindlessly thrusting towards a well-deserved fate
And his balance on the tight rope is slipping
Well, it’s only a game, but he played it too late
So he’s alone in the state that he’s living

In the shadows of sorrow, he wanders in vain
And he’s a-hopin’ a new day will cleanse him of pain
So he waits for his moment in the November rain
But he’s devoid of all faith to believe in
And he traded his smile for nicotine stains
All alone in the state that he’s living

Like moths to a flame, and as moss on a stone
Like a coin that was tossed, rollin’ lost down the road
He sticks to his guns, but he shoots them alone
That’s the way it’s been since the beginning
He will cling on forever if he ever finds home
And gets out of the state that he’s living

With every tomorrow, a new age is born
Replacing blackness of twilight with gold of the sun
And with each new beginning, pristine trails to burn
That have not yet been tarnished by footprints
Though he’s coming in last, it’s just one of his turns
And he’ll find home in the state that he’s living

In the depths of his feelin’, despair peels away
And he seeks to build on it with each gifted day
That arrives and provides him a reason to pray
Finest favor since the savior had risen
And for the first time in decades, he found words to say
For some hope in the state where he’s living

So, with vibrating stars in the evening sky
And an iridescent moon twinkling off of his eyes
He walks down this old highway, cars passing him by
The occasional mirror to skim him
But for once in his life, he is glad he’s alive
And he’s leaving the state that he’s living

Now, he’s far from the place where in chains he was bound
Where recurring realities were keepin’ him down
Where he first had got lost, now his faith has been found
And he no longer festers in a prison
Instead, he walks with the rest of the jesters and clowns
In the perpetual fugue state we live in

At last, he discovered a reason within
And a new love to settle in with him