DarkSide L

So here I am lying in my bed
Thinking all the things I shoulda said 
As I hold you close
These moments I love the most 
Looking out the window at the sky 
Thinking why
As I tease your hair, 
As if your love‘s still there 
I look into to your eyes 
Thinking brighter skies 
When we laughed till we cried
Before the lies 
I just can’t sympathise 
As all I see is your deception,
You’re the reason for my cruel intention
And I find it hard not to criticise  
So it's time to stop and recognise
I’m bearing witness to my own demise.

But I hug you tighter, 
Takes away the pain, 
I feel lighter 
Then I hold you close
It's what I need the most 
I’m too engrossed 
When we’re together 
Want time to stop, 
Us to be here forever. 

I didn’t ever ask you for nothing 
Thought our love meant something 
So why did you leave?
Just to spite me? 
To ignite me? 
Just to frighten me? 
Well all it served was to incite me 
To invite me, so I prayed politely
To be reunited

But I feel cheated, badly treated 
Heart denied, hollow inside 
The pain of you leaving
Giving no reason 
No goodbye 
That was the day that all my hope died 
I couldn’t accept that you denied me 
Without any fight left inside me
So the anger comes as no surprise 
You betrayed me 
Which you said you’d never do
You promised that you’d love me 
And forever too

But he came stole you away 
Don’t understand to this day 
Why you couldn’t stay 
All you left behind became decayed 
How could you do it 
My love not enough to prove it
I’m confused 
Why did you choose 
Him over me. I’m lost, low, abused 
He took my light
Left no energy to fight
I hate you both now my world don’t shine as bright 

But still I hold you closer
My pain getting colder
I kiss your shoulder, I’m feeling bolder
So I pull you tighter, 
My sorrow getting slighter 
I kiss your face again on the photo frame 
I miss you, can’t stand this pain 
I tease your hair again 
Even though I know it’s only paper
I put it down, won’t need it later 

So I did all the things that I thought was needed 
I remembered all you did for me so I heeded
Your advice, tried not to lose my cool 
Dropped the kids at school
With a letter to open later 
Saying don’t worry it’s for the better 
So I took the pill 
Fighting with my will 
Not to stop, 
Get the kids, 
Take them out, 
Make it all about  
Moving on, 
Raise them up
To be strong 
Make them feel loved, 
To know they did no wrong 
That I’m where I belong.
But I am too weak & selfish 
Only thinking of myself
I can’t stand the pain, they’ll be better off 
Without dealing with my daily pain 
My complete disdain
How do I explain 
Not coping with the strain
Things are getting darker
I feel I’m drifting 
My heaviness is lifting

Just as I’m about to leave 
Last thing I see 
Are the kids crying resuscitating me
That's gonna haunt me for all eternity
What have I done?
The panic in their eyes 
The hurt I leave behind
What have I done?
I am leaving now, a self-inflicted curtain bow
I’m coming to you, but I can’t see nothing  
Where are you?
All I see is darkness 
Wait a minute 
Afterlife.. it’s implicit 
A given
A fundamental underpinning 
Of all religion 
This wasn’t what I planned 
Don't understand 
I’m feeling numb 
Oh my God 
What have I done 
I’m unwilling to succumb
I can’t accept what I’ve done 
Too late to be undone 
Can’t be outrun
I’m drifting now 
Getting darker 
Time for my departure
Can’t be undone
What have I done 
I’m all alone 
It is the end... it’s begun 
What have I done 
What have I done 

Like a shard of glass 
Broken on the floor
The pain just closes the door 
In the gutter I only mutter 
Watching the shutters close
Don’t want to feel exposed
So best I just propose 
And make it my intention
Divert all attention
Coz I can’t trust 
Even though I’ve been told I must 
To vent the hurt expose the dirt 
Face the demons meet the ghost 
Face the things that hurt the most 
Before it gets too much 
Before the slightest touch 
Sparks anger & dismay 
Behind the mental play 
Until the day 
The only way 
To express my pain 
Is through a rap song
Where I feel I belong 
But can't make it long 
Coz I’m not that strong 
To light the spark 
To bring some light to cure my dark 
Now I see the mark 
The very thing I try to hide 
So much pain I can’t abide 
So I’ll set everything to the side 
Let it go 
Don’t let it show 
It's only for me to know 
fxxx being brave 
I’ll take it to my grave 
Along with all the strain
Of the hurt inside my brain
Everything is in vain 
I can’t explain 
So I’m going to go
Too scared to let it show 
Let everyone think I’m just shy 
As I say my goodbye 
With a sigh
Don’t be mad 
Know it’s only when I die that I’ll be glad 
Until then life’s only sad 
Just Dismay
Only grey 
So before i go 
I wanted you to know
That this sadness grows 
Don’t be blue 
I’ll always be with you