Doug OConnor

Professional Subscriber to Songbay
Doug OConnor

Website : dougsunit.com

When you learn your letters
You will never doubt my fingers
Are the same as yours

You put the lonely back inside me
You put the only back beside me

Skin to skin and soul to soul
If I wrote down that I love you
It just means I like to watch you
Without renown

What do I need to say?
That broken boys aren’t designed to play
Inside

Buck me like a lightning rod
Turn me over see the face of God
I will not hurt

A perfect wrist with micro lines
Just the same as yours as mine
I love your fruit

You put the lonely back inside me
You put the only back beside me

Our bedroom is a microcosm
Of all the pretty things that we gave up on
I was never born for this
Inside

I am free from being torn
Paint your nails and spank my hell
I am no forlorn
To the one who spells my intel

You put the lonely back inside me
You put the only back beside me

If I wrote down that I love you
It just means I like to watch you
Without renown

When you learn your letters
You will never doubt my fingers
Are the same as yours

I will not hurt

You put the lonely back inside me
You put the only back beside me
No

Doppelgängers

Back to the places
You thought
You thought
You’d never go
That stained glass window
The walls of Jericho
The hummingbird sings
Only when God pulls it out
So let’s all pretend
To give a fuck
One very last time

That Buzz Stop girl
Was better off never knowing
Your thumb was bleeding
And the ocean had sold all your clothes
The bomb went off
While you were sleeping
And the salt turned to stone

That pink tote
Was such a space-saving idea
The gothic ring on your finger
Left nothing to doubt
It’s easier to sing
Without a bone stuck
Way down in your mouth
Way down in your mouth
Way down in my mouth

You said
You said to moralize time
Is so single-minded
Like knowing which way to go
Before checking the map
I had a dream where
I was just a lonely judge
And it was divine

Back to the places
You thought
You thought
You’d never go
That stained glass window
The walls of Jericho
The hummingbird sings
Only when God pulls it out
So let’s all pretend
To give a fuck
One very last time
One very last time

When God Pulls It Out

The painting of your face
Drips with cold acetate
In the neutral colors without a war
I wish I discovered something worth fighting for

A lab coat wrapped around your neck
Jeans ripped at the knees red
On the phone you lied you’re dead
The atrial defect, the aphasia meds

There’s no way I could love you
Unless you become more subtle
In all the ways blood can tumble
Through open space

I want the dark
I want it to start
There’s a hole in the back of my head
Where everything that you said
Drifts apart

I want the dark
I want it to start
There’s a hole in the back of my head
Where everything that you said
Drifts apart

I helped to buzz cut your hair
To the bark of your head-bone
Talked all night about millionaires
As if you were always dethroned

You make sleeping pills into meals
Dream of all the people you would kill
If you only had a day to breathe
To plan it all yourself

It would be easier to rescue you
If your feelings had more sinew
You don’t respond to what I say
You expect me to put on display
All my secret passageways
Hide you like a stowaway
The glass half-full is now half-way
The glass half-full is now half-way
Ohhh

I dreamed I went down on you
While you were holding a balloon
Why don’t you just die
Before I become your buffoon

You draw question marks on the floor
Because you say your tongue is broke
You know I’d rather eat your dirt
Than be your favorite cruel joke

I want the dark
I want it to start
There’s a hole in the back of my head
Where everything that you said
Drifts apart

I want the dark
I want it to start
There’s a hole in the back of my head
Where everything that you said
Drifts apart

I'm Your Favorite Cruel Joke


Latest Uploads

When you learn your letters
You will never doubt my fingers
Are the same as yours

You put the lonely back inside me
You put the only back beside me

Skin to skin and soul to soul
If I wrote down that I love you
It just means I like to watch you
Without renown

What do I need to say?
That broken boys aren’t designed to play
Inside

Buck me like a lightning rod
Turn me over see the face of God
I will not hurt

A perfect wrist with micro lines
Just the same as yours as mine
I love your fruit

You put the lonely back inside me
You put the only back beside me

Our bedroom is a microcosm
Of all the pretty things that we gave up on
I was never born for this
Inside

I am free from being torn
Paint your nails and spank my hell
I am no forlorn
To the one who spells my intel

You put the lonely back inside me
You put the only back beside me

If I wrote down that I love you
It just means I like to watch you
Without renown

When you learn your letters
You will never doubt my fingers
Are the same as yours

I will not hurt

You put the lonely back inside me
You put the only back beside me
No

Doppelgängers

Back to the places
You thought
You thought
You’d never go
That stained glass window
The walls of Jericho
The hummingbird sings
Only when God pulls it out
So let’s all pretend
To give a fuck
One very last time

That Buzz Stop girl
Was better off never knowing
Your thumb was bleeding
And the ocean had sold all your clothes
The bomb went off
While you were sleeping
And the salt turned to stone

That pink tote
Was such a space-saving idea
The gothic ring on your finger
Left nothing to doubt
It’s easier to sing
Without a bone stuck
Way down in your mouth
Way down in your mouth
Way down in my mouth

You said
You said to moralize time
Is so single-minded
Like knowing which way to go
Before checking the map
I had a dream where
I was just a lonely judge
And it was divine

Back to the places
You thought
You thought
You’d never go
That stained glass window
The walls of Jericho
The hummingbird sings
Only when God pulls it out
So let’s all pretend
To give a fuck
One very last time
One very last time

When God Pulls It Out

The painting of your face
Drips with cold acetate
In the neutral colors without a war
I wish I discovered something worth fighting for

A lab coat wrapped around your neck
Jeans ripped at the knees red
On the phone you lied you’re dead
The atrial defect, the aphasia meds

There’s no way I could love you
Unless you become more subtle
In all the ways blood can tumble
Through open space

I want the dark
I want it to start
There’s a hole in the back of my head
Where everything that you said
Drifts apart

I want the dark
I want it to start
There’s a hole in the back of my head
Where everything that you said
Drifts apart

I helped to buzz cut your hair
To the bark of your head-bone
Talked all night about millionaires
As if you were always dethroned

You make sleeping pills into meals
Dream of all the people you would kill
If you only had a day to breathe
To plan it all yourself

It would be easier to rescue you
If your feelings had more sinew
You don’t respond to what I say
You expect me to put on display
All my secret passageways
Hide you like a stowaway
The glass half-full is now half-way
The glass half-full is now half-way
Ohhh

I dreamed I went down on you
While you were holding a balloon
Why don’t you just die
Before I become your buffoon

You draw question marks on the floor
Because you say your tongue is broke
You know I’d rather eat your dirt
Than be your favorite cruel joke

I want the dark
I want it to start
There’s a hole in the back of my head
Where everything that you said
Drifts apart

I want the dark
I want it to start
There’s a hole in the back of my head
Where everything that you said
Drifts apart

I'm Your Favorite Cruel Joke

Onward
Cuts his
Hair short in the sink
Eyes dry as lightning
Red and on the blink
Towels stacked in corners
They could use a good stitch
“What do mirrors look like
Minus rich eclectic bitches”

Onward
Lost his
Job selling earrings
Now he has a thing for
Writing Chinese fortunes
On the back of my chairs
I don’t believe that hell is
Paved with good intentions
Without a hard-hat soul

I pray his kids can be commanded to listen to me
Never again is a slogan that never is free

I’m afraid
His brain ‘sgone off the deep end again
He grunts with the lust of a teetotaler
Bending backwards I wish I never gained his favor
I’m just sixteen
What kind of dad
Builds a moat with a rope after losing everything?

Onward
Plays with
Puzzles that are large
Purple plastic swing sets
Too much for tiny wings
Trying hard to dunk his nose in
My cold creme brûlée
How many diapers
Did I change last Thursday?

Onward
Coughs when
I’m being negative
Begging for his
Pictures to be burned
Yelling just so I can yell back
Such a strong attraction
To assassination
I hate his alphabet

My stomach sinks whenever he shoots his mouth off on me
I haven’t seen movies like that since two-thousand-and-three

I’m afraid
His brain ‘sgone off the deep end again
He grunts with the lust of a teetotaler
Bending backwards I wish I never gained his favor
I’m just sixteen
What kind of dad
Builds a moat with a rope after losing everything?

Onward
Makes me
Feed his fetish with glee
There’s his hairbrush
There’s his silver bondage
Pretending execution
That tiny door knob
Left a big impression
On my cranium

Why is it so naturally unnatural to be that casual with futures like me?
Sneaking through windows will he love us or leave us to bleed?

Onward

What is it about my pretty face
That makes it so easy to efface
Those orange spots on the kitchen floor
Are bigger than they were before
The lure of demure furniture
Does it matter how much ice cream melts?
Yesterday I invented
A whole new kind of western
Where I shot someone dead
And they resurrected just to give you head
Outside the red saloon
Next to a paper store
What kind of board game should I adore?

Do you have to fight without a brawl?
Doesn’t disgrace mean anything at all?
Can’t you just hold me up?
Can’t you just laugh it rough?

The more demented I become
The happier you will become
The more demented I become
The happier you will become
The more demented I become
The happier you will become

Threw a pencil at my teacher once
Drew can-can girls on the back of my book cover
Told off the janitor
Marched back home to my mom
(Well, that was dumb)
She swore I would never survive a space launch
That’s what happens when you masturbate
To people without a public face
Like Jesus who ingratiates
I’m tired of all the hate dialog
I’m tired of all these protein bars
I’m tired of missing analog
I’m tired of no getaway car

Do you have to fight without a brawl?
Doesn’t disgrace mean anything at all?
Can’t you just hold me up?
Can’t you just laugh it rough?

The more demented I become
The happier you will become
The more demented I become
The happier you will become
The more demented I become
The happier you will become

Drunk on your own orgasms
Shall I be a daddy or a diner stop?
Displaced to a place far away from hair
Hindrance is the last vice to go
Zippers and choker belts
Can’t hurt me if I die today
I thought I’d never have to talk
With a mouse inside my backless blouse
I wish I wasn’t so invisible
To blasphemy and love of bruises
So you’re going to the door to find your missing shoes?
Have you seen my knees today?
I said, have you seen my knees today?

Do you have to fight without a brawl?
Doesn’t disgrace mean anything at all?
Can’t you just hold me up?
Can’t you just laugh it rough?

The more demented I become
The happier you will become
The more demented I become
The happier you will become
The more demented I become
The happier you will become
The more demented I become, oh well
The more demented I become, oh well

The more demented I become
The happier you will become
The more demented I become
The happier you will become
The more demented I become, oh well
The more demented I become, oh well

The More Demented I Become

Shouting out the only words
I could get out
With my mouth sewn shut
The earth seems flat
There’s a woman on my left
And a man on my right
If you see what I mean
Then turn out the light

I sucked on some beans
Then thought I faked my nap
In my dream my uncle lost an egg
A woman with a tool
Collapsed the bed
A black hole is growing
On the back of my hand
What’s the use of saying
Stop trying to stand?

My brain in the gutter
I hit the jackpot
I love being rotten
When the TV’s on
I stole Danny’s apple
And bled on the door
I really don’t feel
Like I want to live any more

Push me to the window
So I can see the cars
There’s no vaccine
To prevent my thoughts
I loved my slingshot
When I was twelve
I loved my slingshot
When I was twelve
I loved my slingshot
When I was twelve

Your daddy was never born
In a country that sees stars
What’s the closest you’ve ever come
To turning on someone?
If I hate this world I’ll hate the next
How many chickens
Dance with a hatchet?

The nurse fills a box
With niceties and oughttas
The breeze outside I bet
Is cold as a stomach
I once went to town
Without any quarters
Yeah, that toll was for me
But you never did share it

My room is full of burning
Clothes and blank stares
My daughter’s words
Were a little like warfare
When I end my life
Will you cut my hair?
When I end my life
Will you cut my hair?
When I end my life
Who will cut my hair?

The Earth Seems Flat With My Mouth Sewn Shut

Broken down lazily
The only other way to say
I’m ashamed of your little soul
Taking liberties with self-control
Where is your divinity
Where is your obscurity
If I let you fall down
Won’t you let me fall down
And go back to America
Where everyone’s afraid of fear

Like the man with no veins
Who takes a shower and complains
He’s dead
I will never have time to play
Date with another guy
Inside a coffin
Buried in magnanimity
The angels of cosplay
Come down with their legs splayed
Open to commiserate
Hating just to hate
Hating just to have a fate
Worse than your overpaid
Undismayed accolade
Celebrating Judgment Day
If I let you fall down
Won’t you let me fall down
I’m afraid to fall down
And go back to America
Where everyone’s afraid of fear

Darling I’m done
With dystopian leers
The smell of your grips
The taste of my own lips
Bloodied and eclipsed
By the shadow of your fist
Beating my cheeks to dust
Which apocalypse do you trust?
While flattening your dollar bills
Going in for the kill
You have no will to fail
My face looks just like a jail
I wish I could pucker up
I wish I could cover up
And go back to America
Where everyone’s afraid of fear

Better to sting the bird
Than to spit out the bee
The blood on your knuckle face
The grip on your make-believe
Unquarantined belief
And thick-headed co-morbidities
Searching for Almighty relief
Give them your handshake
Give them your dilapidated
Bedspreads from Goodwill
The Parcheesi pieces
Stuck to the comic books
From which you learned to draw
Perfected bodies
Those oh perfect white bodies
That can never be stained
By the thunder of businessmen
And their perfect oblivion
Is there cauliflower in the crockpot?
Burning crosses in the flowerpot?
My Jesus wears a sports bra
And is living in America
Where everyone’s afraid of fear
Where everyone’s afraid of me

Broken down lazily
The only other way to say
I’m ashamed of your little soul
Taking liberties with self-control
Where is your divinity
Where is your obscurity
If I let you fall down
Won’t you let me fall down
I’m back home in America
Where everyone’s afraid of me
Where I am afraid of me

Dear Homophobe

Strange hops she does
When she lands on her hip
And then plays the violin
Carrying a tortilla chip
Pointing to the mirror
Pointing to the guinea pig
The noise of crashing bowls
Upon her floor
Blinking too fast thinking
I might crash
Into the bedpost
Which is more like an outpost
To guard against the silent lure
Of curing her torture unscathed

But outside her window
A genie marches down the street
Unwilling to ameliorate
The dream where Eden came to take
Back what she gave us
I’m not the man I was before
I swore not to wish for any more her

Strange hops she does
When she lands on her hip
And then plays the violin
She speaks to her pills
Gold Bond on the sill
Chips all her faces
Picks food from her braces
Inventing more places
Where necks have no shapes to hang
From very tight strings
How did I lose the way for her?
If paradise isn’t far, she says
Then don’t take me there
All I want is ten Adderall

But outside her window
A genie marches down the street
Unwilling to ameliorate
The dream where Eden came to take
Back what she gave us
I’m not the man I was before
I swore not to wish for any more her

Strange Hops She Does

My Uploads

When you learn your letters
You will never doubt my fingers
Are the same as yours

You put the lonely back inside me
You put the only back beside me

Skin to skin and soul to soul
If I wrote down that I love you
It just means I like to watch you
Without renown

What do I need to say?
That broken boys aren’t designed to play
Inside

Buck me like a lightning rod
Turn me over see the face of God
I will not hurt

A perfect wrist with micro lines
Just the same as yours as mine
I love your fruit

You put the lonely back inside me
You put the only back beside me

Our bedroom is a microcosm
Of all the pretty things that we gave up on
I was never born for this
Inside

I am free from being torn
Paint your nails and spank my hell
I am no forlorn
To the one who spells my intel

You put the lonely back inside me
You put the only back beside me

If I wrote down that I love you
It just means I like to watch you
Without renown

When you learn your letters
You will never doubt my fingers
Are the same as yours

I will not hurt

You put the lonely back inside me
You put the only back beside me
No

Doppelgängers

Back to the places
You thought
You thought
You’d never go
That stained glass window
The walls of Jericho
The hummingbird sings
Only when God pulls it out
So let’s all pretend
To give a fuck
One very last time

That Buzz Stop girl
Was better off never knowing
Your thumb was bleeding
And the ocean had sold all your clothes
The bomb went off
While you were sleeping
And the salt turned to stone

That pink tote
Was such a space-saving idea
The gothic ring on your finger
Left nothing to doubt
It’s easier to sing
Without a bone stuck
Way down in your mouth
Way down in your mouth
Way down in my mouth

You said
You said to moralize time
Is so single-minded
Like knowing which way to go
Before checking the map
I had a dream where
I was just a lonely judge
And it was divine

Back to the places
You thought
You thought
You’d never go
That stained glass window
The walls of Jericho
The hummingbird sings
Only when God pulls it out
So let’s all pretend
To give a fuck
One very last time
One very last time

When God Pulls It Out

The painting of your face
Drips with cold acetate
In the neutral colors without a war
I wish I discovered something worth fighting for

A lab coat wrapped around your neck
Jeans ripped at the knees red
On the phone you lied you’re dead
The atrial defect, the aphasia meds

There’s no way I could love you
Unless you become more subtle
In all the ways blood can tumble
Through open space

I want the dark
I want it to start
There’s a hole in the back of my head
Where everything that you said
Drifts apart

I want the dark
I want it to start
There’s a hole in the back of my head
Where everything that you said
Drifts apart

I helped to buzz cut your hair
To the bark of your head-bone
Talked all night about millionaires
As if you were always dethroned

You make sleeping pills into meals
Dream of all the people you would kill
If you only had a day to breathe
To plan it all yourself

It would be easier to rescue you
If your feelings had more sinew
You don’t respond to what I say
You expect me to put on display
All my secret passageways
Hide you like a stowaway
The glass half-full is now half-way
The glass half-full is now half-way
Ohhh

I dreamed I went down on you
While you were holding a balloon
Why don’t you just die
Before I become your buffoon

You draw question marks on the floor
Because you say your tongue is broke
You know I’d rather eat your dirt
Than be your favorite cruel joke

I want the dark
I want it to start
There’s a hole in the back of my head
Where everything that you said
Drifts apart

I want the dark
I want it to start
There’s a hole in the back of my head
Where everything that you said
Drifts apart

I'm Your Favorite Cruel Joke

Onward
Cuts his
Hair short in the sink
Eyes dry as lightning
Red and on the blink
Towels stacked in corners
They could use a good stitch
“What do mirrors look like
Minus rich eclectic bitches”

Onward
Lost his
Job selling earrings
Now he has a thing for
Writing Chinese fortunes
On the back of my chairs
I don’t believe that hell is
Paved with good intentions
Without a hard-hat soul

I pray his kids can be commanded to listen to me
Never again is a slogan that never is free

I’m afraid
His brain ‘sgone off the deep end again
He grunts with the lust of a teetotaler
Bending backwards I wish I never gained his favor
I’m just sixteen
What kind of dad
Builds a moat with a rope after losing everything?

Onward
Plays with
Puzzles that are large
Purple plastic swing sets
Too much for tiny wings
Trying hard to dunk his nose in
My cold creme brûlée
How many diapers
Did I change last Thursday?

Onward
Coughs when
I’m being negative
Begging for his
Pictures to be burned
Yelling just so I can yell back
Such a strong attraction
To assassination
I hate his alphabet

My stomach sinks whenever he shoots his mouth off on me
I haven’t seen movies like that since two-thousand-and-three

I’m afraid
His brain ‘sgone off the deep end again
He grunts with the lust of a teetotaler
Bending backwards I wish I never gained his favor
I’m just sixteen
What kind of dad
Builds a moat with a rope after losing everything?

Onward
Makes me
Feed his fetish with glee
There’s his hairbrush
There’s his silver bondage
Pretending execution
That tiny door knob
Left a big impression
On my cranium

Why is it so naturally unnatural to be that casual with futures like me?
Sneaking through windows will he love us or leave us to bleed?

Onward

What is it about my pretty face
That makes it so easy to efface
Those orange spots on the kitchen floor
Are bigger than they were before
The lure of demure furniture
Does it matter how much ice cream melts?
Yesterday I invented
A whole new kind of western
Where I shot someone dead
And they resurrected just to give you head
Outside the red saloon
Next to a paper store
What kind of board game should I adore?

Do you have to fight without a brawl?
Doesn’t disgrace mean anything at all?
Can’t you just hold me up?
Can’t you just laugh it rough?

The more demented I become
The happier you will become
The more demented I become
The happier you will become
The more demented I become
The happier you will become

Threw a pencil at my teacher once
Drew can-can girls on the back of my book cover
Told off the janitor
Marched back home to my mom
(Well, that was dumb)
She swore I would never survive a space launch
That’s what happens when you masturbate
To people without a public face
Like Jesus who ingratiates
I’m tired of all the hate dialog
I’m tired of all these protein bars
I’m tired of missing analog
I’m tired of no getaway car

Do you have to fight without a brawl?
Doesn’t disgrace mean anything at all?
Can’t you just hold me up?
Can’t you just laugh it rough?

The more demented I become
The happier you will become
The more demented I become
The happier you will become
The more demented I become
The happier you will become

Drunk on your own orgasms
Shall I be a daddy or a diner stop?
Displaced to a place far away from hair
Hindrance is the last vice to go
Zippers and choker belts
Can’t hurt me if I die today
I thought I’d never have to talk
With a mouse inside my backless blouse
I wish I wasn’t so invisible
To blasphemy and love of bruises
So you’re going to the door to find your missing shoes?
Have you seen my knees today?
I said, have you seen my knees today?

Do you have to fight without a brawl?
Doesn’t disgrace mean anything at all?
Can’t you just hold me up?
Can’t you just laugh it rough?

The more demented I become
The happier you will become
The more demented I become
The happier you will become
The more demented I become
The happier you will become
The more demented I become, oh well
The more demented I become, oh well

The more demented I become
The happier you will become
The more demented I become
The happier you will become
The more demented I become, oh well
The more demented I become, oh well

The More Demented I Become

Shouting out the only words
I could get out
With my mouth sewn shut
The earth seems flat
There’s a woman on my left
And a man on my right
If you see what I mean
Then turn out the light

I sucked on some beans
Then thought I faked my nap
In my dream my uncle lost an egg
A woman with a tool
Collapsed the bed
A black hole is growing
On the back of my hand
What’s the use of saying
Stop trying to stand?

My brain in the gutter
I hit the jackpot
I love being rotten
When the TV’s on
I stole Danny’s apple
And bled on the door
I really don’t feel
Like I want to live any more

Push me to the window
So I can see the cars
There’s no vaccine
To prevent my thoughts
I loved my slingshot
When I was twelve
I loved my slingshot
When I was twelve
I loved my slingshot
When I was twelve

Your daddy was never born
In a country that sees stars
What’s the closest you’ve ever come
To turning on someone?
If I hate this world I’ll hate the next
How many chickens
Dance with a hatchet?

The nurse fills a box
With niceties and oughttas
The breeze outside I bet
Is cold as a stomach
I once went to town
Without any quarters
Yeah, that toll was for me
But you never did share it

My room is full of burning
Clothes and blank stares
My daughter’s words
Were a little like warfare
When I end my life
Will you cut my hair?
When I end my life
Will you cut my hair?
When I end my life
Who will cut my hair?

The Earth Seems Flat With My Mouth Sewn Shut


About Me

Bio

I write absurd lyrics about this absurd world. I'm also afraid of pretty much everything, so writing is my own form of practicing fearlessness.

CV/History

Doug O'Connor’s prose, poetry, and collage have appeared in thestayproject.us, Paper Darts, decomP magazinE, Ayris, Quarter After Eight, The Tusculum Review, and others. Doug earned his M.F.A. from the New Hampshire Institute of Art and his B.A. from Bard College. His story, "Understanding the Family Language," made the Wigleaf Top 50 Very Short Fictions 2017 list.

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