James Alexander

Professional Subscriber to Songbay
Image

You’re really something to save,
You’ve got a lifetime to not figure it out,
I’m banging on your mind trying to reach you,
“You’re enough,” all my cells shout,

You’re more than most of them could ever be,
But you want their approval?
You’re kind and decent and strong, never on their terms,
You trust judgements but not whether they’re suitable,

If you can’t owe it to yourself,
Then owe it to me,
Give yourself a chance to see who you really are,
Take the step; you don’t have to suffer anymore,
It’s only belief,
You are stronger than your demons ever were,

I know you won’t tell me,
But I know they hurt you,
You were all alone,
And now their voices sit inside your head,

I see through it when you’re lying and you’re in pain,
There’s that thing that is you that you cannot fake,

I may be just drowning myself with force,
I don’t know if I’m being self-serving,
Or if I am really support,

I will stand here and wait,
If the outcome is the difference,
That’s the risk I take,

If you can’t owe it to yourself,
Then owe it to me,
Give yourself a chance to see who you really are,
Take the step; you don’t have to suffer anymore,
It’s only belief,
You are stronger than your demons ever were,

A moment can pass where it will all change,
People hurt for a lifetime because they were never willing,
To find out that they were bigger than what they believed,
There is nothing that could make you something that should not have been.

Belong

I don’t love her,
But she rejected me,
She flirts and holds the room,
And then deserts this silly fool,

It opens a wound shame says is not there,
The head voice says don’t let them know you care,
But, I don’t care about her,
She’s a shadow image that is not there,

Muddy are the troubled waters not left alone,
She uncovered something of my own,
It’s my business to how it is shone,
But some people know how to hurt; it’s in their bones,

I don’t love her,
But some things come inside,
That resonate with past gone by,
I have to face it so that I can die…

In peace times the war rages within,
The fight was long ago, but here is this,
The fires burn from neck to navel,
To go through it is everything,

Muddy are the troubled waters not left alone,
She uncovered something of my own,
It’s my business to how it is shone,
But some people know how to hurt; it’s in their bones,

It’s not a rehearsal,
It’s all happening today,
Even if there’s just pain,
There is something in the middle that is everything.

Wound Unsewn

I struggle and strive to seem like I'm not trying,
I don't mean to say that I'm lying,
Just trying to get a grip,
It takes an awful lot effort to make it seem like nothing's happening,

I learnt to stop feeling this way,
But she came along and ruined everything,
She bore a hole in my barricade,
Now the whole damn thing came undone again,

It's running like a torrent,
I haven't been this unstable since she had gone the first time,
I thought it was the last time,

I'm not a glutton for punishment,
I just can't see past emotion,
It's the best damn feeling I've known,
And she really was beautiful,

I learnt to stop feeling this way,
But she came along and ruined everything,
She bore a hole in my barricade,
Now the whole damn thing came undone again,

We had just enough time to know that we weren't right,
That's how it goes,
At least I didn't do it on my own,
But for now, I'm just going to have to find somewhere else that's home.

Barricade


Latest Uploads

You’re really something to save,
You’ve got a lifetime to not figure it out,
I’m banging on your mind trying to reach you,
“You’re enough,” all my cells shout,

You’re more than most of them could ever be,
But you want their approval?
You’re kind and decent and strong, never on their terms,
You trust judgements but not whether they’re suitable,

If you can’t owe it to yourself,
Then owe it to me,
Give yourself a chance to see who you really are,
Take the step; you don’t have to suffer anymore,
It’s only belief,
You are stronger than your demons ever were,

I know you won’t tell me,
But I know they hurt you,
You were all alone,
And now their voices sit inside your head,

I see through it when you’re lying and you’re in pain,
There’s that thing that is you that you cannot fake,

I may be just drowning myself with force,
I don’t know if I’m being self-serving,
Or if I am really support,

I will stand here and wait,
If the outcome is the difference,
That’s the risk I take,

If you can’t owe it to yourself,
Then owe it to me,
Give yourself a chance to see who you really are,
Take the step; you don’t have to suffer anymore,
It’s only belief,
You are stronger than your demons ever were,

A moment can pass where it will all change,
People hurt for a lifetime because they were never willing,
To find out that they were bigger than what they believed,
There is nothing that could make you something that should not have been.

Belong

I don’t love her,
But she rejected me,
She flirts and holds the room,
And then deserts this silly fool,

It opens a wound shame says is not there,
The head voice says don’t let them know you care,
But, I don’t care about her,
She’s a shadow image that is not there,

Muddy are the troubled waters not left alone,
She uncovered something of my own,
It’s my business to how it is shone,
But some people know how to hurt; it’s in their bones,

I don’t love her,
But some things come inside,
That resonate with past gone by,
I have to face it so that I can die…

In peace times the war rages within,
The fight was long ago, but here is this,
The fires burn from neck to navel,
To go through it is everything,

Muddy are the troubled waters not left alone,
She uncovered something of my own,
It’s my business to how it is shone,
But some people know how to hurt; it’s in their bones,

It’s not a rehearsal,
It’s all happening today,
Even if there’s just pain,
There is something in the middle that is everything.

Wound Unsewn

I struggle and strive to seem like I'm not trying,
I don't mean to say that I'm lying,
Just trying to get a grip,
It takes an awful lot effort to make it seem like nothing's happening,

I learnt to stop feeling this way,
But she came along and ruined everything,
She bore a hole in my barricade,
Now the whole damn thing came undone again,

It's running like a torrent,
I haven't been this unstable since she had gone the first time,
I thought it was the last time,

I'm not a glutton for punishment,
I just can't see past emotion,
It's the best damn feeling I've known,
And she really was beautiful,

I learnt to stop feeling this way,
But she came along and ruined everything,
She bore a hole in my barricade,
Now the whole damn thing came undone again,

We had just enough time to know that we weren't right,
That's how it goes,
At least I didn't do it on my own,
But for now, I'm just going to have to find somewhere else that's home.

Barricade

I thought had a grip,

But then it fell away,

And I realised I had been falling all day,



Sitting in green fields with the sun on my face,

I had been down a hole and now the illusion escaped,

...escaped my hold,



I'm just crashing without a hit,

There's so much space with a looming sight in end,

I don't know where to run because I don't know how to walk,

So I just pick up the pieces and start fitting them to the landscape ‘cause it's all I've got,



It's been vicarious,

Through the eyes of celebrity,

Through superlative,

I struggle to find the meaning when it's served up,



Life sits inside a box on the mantel piece of someone else's thoughts,

Each day I move forward I'm just crashing to a ground that isn't getting any closer,

A million faces walk these streets,

I may know a hundred before they're done with me,



I'm just crashing without a hit,

There's so much space with a looming sight in end,

I don't know where to run because I don't know how to walk,

So I just pick up the pieces and start fitting them to the landscape ‘cause it's all I've got.

All I've Got

I find myself sitting on this shore,

Waiting to see if the waves will roll in no more,

Where does it seem that it is likely that we would be free?

New age problems set on an old age guilt spree,



I will lose my name just like the rest,

So I won't bother thinking that to have an idea means that I should be...



Of mention,

Of mention,

Of mention,

Of mention,



I will look out and search for the angel of the sea,

She sits somewhere amongst the fray as it rests on a cacophony,

Of palettes and their respective senses,

I am immersed by the silence and the recklessness,



She is beautiful, I can tell,

I will sit ashore and wait a while before I reach out and plough through the waves,

I will sit at the bottom of everything if it means that I drown in my own fears,

The abandonment of the weight…



Of all these years,

Of all these years,

Of all these years,

Of all these years.

All These Years

I am waiting for that enlightened soul,
The person who doesn’t lie or show,
The presenting, always presenting,
The cracks appear and give a home to rest in,

I see the dysfunction and make it my own,
Who has the problem? No one really knows,
But what is love without life?
What is there to hold onto in desire?

I’m still waiting for perfection,
But, I’m getting too old for intense projection,
I want to wake up to let go,
I want to love like the boy who sat on evenings’ precipice,

I miss my Grandmother,,
She held the truth and so simply,
She didn’t lie,
It hurt, but in so many ways she was right,

To matter means I have to take risks,
It may kill me to live,
But, it’s the only damn thing…
worth anything,

I’m still waiting for perfection,
But, I’m getting too old for intense projection,
I want to wake up to let go,
I want to love like the boy who sat on evenings’ precipice,

And maybe I will mess it all up,
But, I’m here and to feel this thing is love,
To step in and take the risk,
I say to it that I will be your friend,

It may kill me in return,
But in the end, there wasn’t going to be a consolation,
So, I’d rather feel the pain of loss,
Than the pain of never knowing what I was really made of.

Making It Right

To write,
Oh, to write,
From up on high,
Looking down at these city lights,

And where does it go?
Here I am again,
To what end is there no end…
To be the heaven ascent?

The rush of air into my lungs,
I breathe in the world,
And there you are,
The person I love,

I hope to walk the streets in your name,
I hope to find taut the tightrope of goodness that taps into your veins,
I wish to be good enough; because there is someone to be good for,
I wish to be right; because getting there is better than no place at all,

So, I walk the city streets alone,
Looking for love heavy beneath the drags of a cigarette,
In the tributary cracks in the pavements,
The world holds everything in static amendment,

And as I watch the world go by,
I find what I am looking for,
But I cannot say,
So, I just think of you and when I will see you again,

The rush of air into my lungs,
I breathe in the world,
And there you are,
The person I love,

Alone in the city; I can’t say what I saw,
But I can be good for you,
The world I create is the one I live for,
But the one I forget leaves me with heaven and you in my arms.

Tributary Bliss

My Uploads

You’re really something to save,
You’ve got a lifetime to not figure it out,
I’m banging on your mind trying to reach you,
“You’re enough,” all my cells shout,

You’re more than most of them could ever be,
But you want their approval?
You’re kind and decent and strong, never on their terms,
You trust judgements but not whether they’re suitable,

If you can’t owe it to yourself,
Then owe it to me,
Give yourself a chance to see who you really are,
Take the step; you don’t have to suffer anymore,
It’s only belief,
You are stronger than your demons ever were,

I know you won’t tell me,
But I know they hurt you,
You were all alone,
And now their voices sit inside your head,

I see through it when you’re lying and you’re in pain,
There’s that thing that is you that you cannot fake,

I may be just drowning myself with force,
I don’t know if I’m being self-serving,
Or if I am really support,

I will stand here and wait,
If the outcome is the difference,
That’s the risk I take,

If you can’t owe it to yourself,
Then owe it to me,
Give yourself a chance to see who you really are,
Take the step; you don’t have to suffer anymore,
It’s only belief,
You are stronger than your demons ever were,

A moment can pass where it will all change,
People hurt for a lifetime because they were never willing,
To find out that they were bigger than what they believed,
There is nothing that could make you something that should not have been.

Belong

I don’t love her,
But she rejected me,
She flirts and holds the room,
And then deserts this silly fool,

It opens a wound shame says is not there,
The head voice says don’t let them know you care,
But, I don’t care about her,
She’s a shadow image that is not there,

Muddy are the troubled waters not left alone,
She uncovered something of my own,
It’s my business to how it is shone,
But some people know how to hurt; it’s in their bones,

I don’t love her,
But some things come inside,
That resonate with past gone by,
I have to face it so that I can die…

In peace times the war rages within,
The fight was long ago, but here is this,
The fires burn from neck to navel,
To go through it is everything,

Muddy are the troubled waters not left alone,
She uncovered something of my own,
It’s my business to how it is shone,
But some people know how to hurt; it’s in their bones,

It’s not a rehearsal,
It’s all happening today,
Even if there’s just pain,
There is something in the middle that is everything.

Wound Unsewn

I struggle and strive to seem like I'm not trying,
I don't mean to say that I'm lying,
Just trying to get a grip,
It takes an awful lot effort to make it seem like nothing's happening,

I learnt to stop feeling this way,
But she came along and ruined everything,
She bore a hole in my barricade,
Now the whole damn thing came undone again,

It's running like a torrent,
I haven't been this unstable since she had gone the first time,
I thought it was the last time,

I'm not a glutton for punishment,
I just can't see past emotion,
It's the best damn feeling I've known,
And she really was beautiful,

I learnt to stop feeling this way,
But she came along and ruined everything,
She bore a hole in my barricade,
Now the whole damn thing came undone again,

We had just enough time to know that we weren't right,
That's how it goes,
At least I didn't do it on my own,
But for now, I'm just going to have to find somewhere else that's home.

Barricade

I thought had a grip,

But then it fell away,

And I realised I had been falling all day,



Sitting in green fields with the sun on my face,

I had been down a hole and now the illusion escaped,

...escaped my hold,



I'm just crashing without a hit,

There's so much space with a looming sight in end,

I don't know where to run because I don't know how to walk,

So I just pick up the pieces and start fitting them to the landscape ‘cause it's all I've got,



It's been vicarious,

Through the eyes of celebrity,

Through superlative,

I struggle to find the meaning when it's served up,



Life sits inside a box on the mantel piece of someone else's thoughts,

Each day I move forward I'm just crashing to a ground that isn't getting any closer,

A million faces walk these streets,

I may know a hundred before they're done with me,



I'm just crashing without a hit,

There's so much space with a looming sight in end,

I don't know where to run because I don't know how to walk,

So I just pick up the pieces and start fitting them to the landscape ‘cause it's all I've got.

All I've Got

I find myself sitting on this shore,

Waiting to see if the waves will roll in no more,

Where does it seem that it is likely that we would be free?

New age problems set on an old age guilt spree,



I will lose my name just like the rest,

So I won't bother thinking that to have an idea means that I should be...



Of mention,

Of mention,

Of mention,

Of mention,



I will look out and search for the angel of the sea,

She sits somewhere amongst the fray as it rests on a cacophony,

Of palettes and their respective senses,

I am immersed by the silence and the recklessness,



She is beautiful, I can tell,

I will sit ashore and wait a while before I reach out and plough through the waves,

I will sit at the bottom of everything if it means that I drown in my own fears,

The abandonment of the weight…



Of all these years,

Of all these years,

Of all these years,

Of all these years.

All These Years

I am waiting for that enlightened soul,
The person who doesn’t lie or show,
The presenting, always presenting,
The cracks appear and give a home to rest in,

I see the dysfunction and make it my own,
Who has the problem? No one really knows,
But what is love without life?
What is there to hold onto in desire?

I’m still waiting for perfection,
But, I’m getting too old for intense projection,
I want to wake up to let go,
I want to love like the boy who sat on evenings’ precipice,

I miss my Grandmother,,
She held the truth and so simply,
She didn’t lie,
It hurt, but in so many ways she was right,

To matter means I have to take risks,
It may kill me to live,
But, it’s the only damn thing…
worth anything,

I’m still waiting for perfection,
But, I’m getting too old for intense projection,
I want to wake up to let go,
I want to love like the boy who sat on evenings’ precipice,

And maybe I will mess it all up,
But, I’m here and to feel this thing is love,
To step in and take the risk,
I say to it that I will be your friend,

It may kill me in return,
But in the end, there wasn’t going to be a consolation,
So, I’d rather feel the pain of loss,
Than the pain of never knowing what I was really made of.

Making It Right


About Me

Bio

I am introspective and thoughtful. I grew up inside my head to deal with pain. When I was 13 I bought a guitar and started to write songs. This was my therapy. Now, an adult, I see that I have a perspective on the world and that I have a voice. I wish to share this with others with lyrics.

CV/History

I dropped out of high school, but went to university, and then worked for a while in a high pressure job before leaving and spending a few years in a low and lost place. Now, I am working as a support worker with people with ASC, learning disabilities and mental health problems. I am coming full circle back to the kid who had a lot of passion and excitement in a private world looking out at how beautiful the world is in the face of suffering and unpredictability.

Key Dates

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